A Dressing Down for Master Chief

Undisclosed location, US Navy Special Warfare August 28, 2014/1846 Zulu

I’m sure most of you have heard, Master Chief hijacked Bella’s blog and declared war on her in the process. Needless to say, the captain wasn’t amused. When I walked in Monday morning, “hell to pay” was the standing order for the day. The captain found me before I could take my first sip of coffee.

“Lieutenant, I have a problem and I need to see you right now.”

I hated when he started a sentence like that because it never ended well. I left my cup of coffee to get cold and followed the captain back to his office. As we entered the passageway, we saw Master Chief walking towards us.

“Stop right there, Master Chief!” The captain commanded.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“Don’t fucking ‘what’ me. Get your ass in my office right the fuck now!” I moved away thinking that I had escaped the captain’s wrath. “You stay right the hell where you’re at,” the captain turned to me and ordered, “both of you in my office. Now.”

I cringed as I stood there because the captain was pissed beyond reason at the moment. I didn’t know what had caused his bad mood, and, frankly, I didn’t want to. As we walked toward the command suite, I ran through all of my potential screw-ups and a few actual ones.  None of them seemed bad enough to warrant a trip to the old man’s office to get my ass chewed.  Master Chief gave the captain his “what the fuck” expression but didn’t say anything. When you do what I do for a living, you get a sixth sense about being ambushed and that feeling hit me as I walked next to the captain. I wanted to be anywhere but where I stood at the moment.   I was unarmed, outflanked, and without a clue.  Little did I know Master Chief was the guilty bastard who'd put the captain in his current mood.  That feeling of being ambushed hit home when we arrived at the office and Friday, the captain’s admin, gave me his I wouldn’t want to be you look.  The captain slammed his door. 

“Who the hell shit in your Wheaties today, Rock?”  Masked Chief demanded.

“You! Motherfucker and your fucking around with that woman who has become my personal hell since I heard her name!  What the hell were you thinking?  What about covert and secret escape you?  WE AREN’T HERE!  What about that don’t you understand?”

“Aw, don’t get your panties in a wad.   I’m just having fun besides no one believes that shit anyway,”  Master Chief scoffed. 

The captain's eyes widened and he got that murderous look you never want to see on a seasoned SEAL, “For chrissakes, Master Chief! This isn’t a game …”

Say what?  Master Chief and Bella?  To borrow a phrase from Master Chief, holy crap on a cracker! By this time I’d tuned the captain out and wondered what kind of crazy shit Master Chief had done this time.  Last time he’d intercepted her emails and answered a bunch of interview questionnaires that ended up posted all over the internet.  Even the captain thought his antics were hilarious, until the Admiral called and told him to cut that shit out.  The captain turned back to me in all of his fury.

“And YOU, you little shit, how the hell did he get access to her blog?  What the fuck?  Isn’t that bullshit of hers secured!  How the hell ...” 

O H  F U C K.

Master Chief hacked into Bella’s blog while I was TAD? How!  How the hell did he get… Oh shit! I didn't hear the captain's rant any more as I looked at Master Chief.  He smiled at me like he used to just before he put me through the tenth level of hell in SQTs.   That evil grin sent a chill through me because I remembered what a sick, vicious, bastard he could be.  Then I remembered the bug I had put on his computer sometime back to get access to his passwords (see my back brief of that incident here).  How did he know? How did he find it and how the hell did he crack it and get it back to me?  And – 

“Lieutenant!  Answer me!”  The captain ordered.

“Aye, Captain!”  I snapped. 

Oh hell!  I hadn’t heard the question much less have an answer.  Master Chief folded his arms and continued grinning at me.  I’d gotten so paranoid about what Master Chief might have done that I’d forgotten about the captain’s tirade.  That deranged son-of-a-bitch had managed to change the whole focus of this dressing down from him to me AND had managed to crack my password hacking code and use it against ME!

Whoa!  Slow down. 

 I remember that Master Chief isn’t that smart, rattlesnake mean and dangerous, yes  Tech savvy?  No. Five year olds ran circles around him when it came to technology. He could barely manage email.  The IPhone he been given had been forced on him by the Navy.  No.  Just no.  My paranoia had run away with me.  I took a deep breath and came back to reality and quickly wished I hadn’t.  The captain looked as if he had the enemy in his crosshairs.  I braced myself and prepared for the worse.

“Did you see something shiny, Lieutenant?” the captain asked.

“No, captain.”

“Do I have your attention?  Or do you have something more important to do today?”

“No, sir.  I’m good.” 

The captain looked away, closed his eyes, and shook his head. “Get your ass back to your desk and figure out what kind of damage the dung heap reject here caused,”  he said pointing at Master Chief, “and report back as soon as you figure it out.” 

“Aye, captain.” 

“Did you hear me this time, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, sir, captain.”

“As soon as you figure it out means by the end of day. Repeat that drop dead time so I can make sure your ADHD didn’t get in the way this time.”

“End of day, captain.”

“Get the fuck out of my sight.” 

Master Chief smiled at me as I passed and started to walk out with me. 

“Hold on, Master Chief, I dismissed the dumb-assed Lieutenant.  Not you.  Get your ass back here.” 

I closed the door just as the captain lost his shit all over Master Chief.   I walked back to my office and tried to think about where I would start.  As I logged into my computer, I remembered the password capture program I’d put on Master Chief’s computer almost a year ago.   I’d forgotten the little bug even existed until now.  I searched through my archives and found it.  Just as I called up the program and launched it my dive buddy, Lieutenant JG Harman walked in and took a seat in front of my desk.  I realized that after the last incident involving my dive buddy, I had taken those chairs out of my office and now they were back. 

“So why is the captain in a shitty mood today?” 

I really need to move those chairs again …

“I don’t know, go ask him,”  I snapped. 

“What the hell’s your problem?  Did he chew your ass, too?”  Shaq asked. 

Before I could answer, we heard an evil laugh at the door. I didn’t need to look up to see who it had come from.  That laugh had been ingrained in my nightmares, and I associated it with the worst sort of trauma. I finally looked up and saw the face of evil.

“How’s your focus now, Lieutenant?” 

“Just fine, Master Chief.”

“That’ll teach you to keep your dick-beaters out of my computer.”  Turning back to the passageway, Master Chief called out, “The answer to your question is, yes, I had help, Lieutenant.” 

Shaq and I looked at each other, stunned.  What the hell did that mean?  Then I recalled the last incident with Bella when the captain thought we had a mole in the group.  Could it be ...  No … Not Master Chief … but jasmine22 might … 

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